Dad Tweets Funny Experiences With 4 Daughters and It’s Internet Gold!

Parenthood is a wonderful journey and it’s definitely worth documenting. Thanks to mobile devices and social media, capturing children’s milestones have become much easier for fathers and mothers of today compared to those from, say, 20 or 30 years ago.

Take it from James Breakwell, a father of four girls who loves sharing his hilarious exchanges with his four daughters. A comedy writer by profession, James often sees the funny side of parenting and delightfully shares it on his Twitter page – and he’s been doing that since April 2016.

Fast forward to the present and he now has over a million followers on the said micro-blogging site! His fans just couldn’t get enough of his funny (at times, heartwarming or thought-provoking) tweets and he’s become an internet sensation because of it.

Check out some of his best tweets below and see for yourself:

7-year-old: All the boys said they were faster than girls in gym class.

Me: What did you say?

7: Nothing. I just beat them.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 22, 2017

I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.

They were supposed to fight the wolves surrounding a town.

Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.

Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2018

Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2018

5-year-old: Why can't dogs go to school?

Me: Dogs are animals.

5: They let in boys.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2018

6-year-old: *fast forwards all the way through a movie*

Me: You can’t just skip to the happy ending.

6: I don't have time for problems.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 14, 2017

4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.

4: You're only a mom because of me.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017

Me: What are you doing?

7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.

Me: There aren't any presents under the tree.

7: I know.

Passive aggressive level 9000.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2017

7-year-old: Do you have a podcast?

Me: Do you even know what a podcast is?

7: It's that thing where you talk to yourself and no one listens.

She knows exactly what a podcast is.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2017

I'm glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts. pic.twitter.com/mIJKNg2DEp

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017

Me: Did you have a good day at school?

6-year-old: That's not how school works.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 8, 2017

4-year-old: Can I have candy?

Me: What did Mom say?

4: No.

Me: So why would I let you?

4: She's not the boss of you.

It’s a trap.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 25, 2017

Me: Only female mosquitos bite.

7-year-old: I knew that.

Me: You did?

7: Girls always do all the work.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 2, 2017

5-year-old: I’m not scared of monsters when I'm with you.

Me: Well, thanks.

5: They’ll eat you first because you’re fatter.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 28, 2017

5-year-old: *slides a curly fry on her finger like a ring*

Me: Are you married?

5: I'm Frodo.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 10, 2017

5-year-old: *wears an Elsa dress with a Wonder Woman cape and a Batman mask*

Me: Which superhero are you?

5: Me. pic.twitter.com/sioa1XJ0tL

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2017

6-year-old: When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.

Me: What kind of teacher?

6: Defense Against the Dark Arts.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 8, 2017

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

5-year-old: A cat doctor.

Me: A veterinarian?

5: A doctor who is a cat.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2017

[waitress brings out the food]

5-year-old: I don't like pancakes.

Me: Then why did you order pancakes?

5: I panicked.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017

5-year-old: *stares off into space*

Me: What's wrong?

5: What happens if a kangaroo jumps on a trampoline?

Me: *stares off into space, too*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2017

Lions can hunt and kill their own food by the time they're 3 months old.

My 3-year-old couldn't find her lunch box, and it was in her other hand.

I can't believe we're at the top of the food chain.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2018

5-year-old: *gets out of the pool*

Me: You look tired.

5: It's a lot of work to stay alive.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 19, 2017

Me: Put away your toy phone.

6-year-old: I can't. This is my job.

Me: Are you making fun of me?

6: Hold on. I have to tweet that.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 3, 2017

5-year-old: I’m tired.

Me: Maybe you should go to bed earlier.

5: Maybe it shouldn’t be morning yet.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2017

Me: Do you know what sarcasm is?

7-year-old: No. I live under a rock.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 8, 2017

My 5-year-old called Parmesan cheese “spaghetti sprinkles” and now that's officially a food group in my house.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 23, 2017

5-year-old: *walks up behind me when I'm on the computer* What game are you playing?

Me: Pay the bills.

5: Are you winning?

Me: No.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 17, 2017

My 1-year-old can't say pumpkin, so she calls her pumpkin her "Putin."

Anyway, Putin just got eaten by squirrels.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 2, 2017

7-year-old: Sometimes I don't feel like doing.

Me: Doing what?

7: Just doing.

She is me.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 26, 2017

5-year-old: What's Game of Thrones?

Me: A show you can't watch. It uses bad words.

5: *whispering* Like "poop?"

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2017

5-year-old: I want to drive a train.

Me: Good plan.

5: A party train.

Me: An even better plan.

5: With kittens.

Me: Take my money now.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 24, 2017

5-year-old: *finally comes upstairs*

Me: I told you to come up here five minutes ago.

5: Traffic.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 17, 2017

5-year-old: Don't bear ass me today.

Me: Excuse me?!

5: Don't bear ass me.

Me: Oh, don't EMBARRASS you.

5: You're doing it again.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2017

5-year-old: I like being a girl.

Me: Why?

5: Purses hold more snacks.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 26, 2018

I asked my 1-year-old if she wanted pizza.

She nodded so hard she fell over.

So, yes, I'm sure she's mine.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2017

My 7-year-old gave her three sisters a bath.

I was so proud I didn't notice she didn't take a bath herself.

Well played.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 1, 2017

3-year-old: Mommy married you.

Me: Yeah.

3: Why?

Wife: Nobody knows.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2018

7-year-old: It's Harry Potter's birthday.

Me: How come you know his birthday but not mine?

7: You didn't beat Voldemort.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 31, 2017

4-year-old: I don't want any more long dresses.

Me: Why not?

4: I can't run from zombies.

Valid concern.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 12, 2017

5-year-old: I closed my eyes last night and now it's morning.

Me: That happens.

5: I think I can time travel.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 28, 2017

7-year-old: I'm the queen because I'm the tallest.

Me: Then I should be queen.

7: I'm the tallest one who's pretty.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 16, 2017

5-year-old: What if I don't want to marry a boy?

Me: Who do you want to marry?

5: Chocolate.

I hope they elope.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2017

In case you were thinking about having kids, my 3-year-old complained that the water in her cup is too wet.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 13, 2017

5-year-old: Thank you for buying cheesecake.

Me: It's just regular cake.

5: Thank you for going back to the store to buy cheesecake.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 16, 2018

[after seeing “Wonder Woman”]

Me: What was your favorite part?

5-year-old: The part before there were boys.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2017

My 5-year-old made up a middle name for our pig so she could yell it when she’s mad.

The mom genes are strong with that one.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2018

My 7-year-old turned on cartoons for her sisters and gave them bowls of cereal while my wife and I were still in bed.

I've been waiting seven years for this moment.

My kids are finally raising themselves.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 8, 2018

My 3-year-old called a giraffe a "tree horse" and now I have to update Wikipedia.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 18, 2017

7-year-old: I wish there was a bookstore where all the books were free.

Me: *pulling out a library card* Do I have news for you…

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 3, 2018

Me: *cooks macaroni shaped like Star Wars characters*

7-year-old: Finally, we're eating fancy.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 6, 2018

7-year-old: *crying*

Me: What's wrong?

7: My salsa is too hot.

Me: Then stop eating it.

7: It's too good.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 28, 2017

In an interview, James shared that his kids love all the attention he’s getting online.

He shared:

“They like what I do on Twitter mainly because it’s all about them.

“On one hand, Twitter makes me a better father because I spend more time with my kids. On the other hand, Twitter makes me a much worse father because I only do it to get more material.”

If you want to see more of James’ hilarious posts, you can follow him on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

You may also check out his official Exploding Unicorn website for his book Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse which is described as “a mash-up of a traditional parenting advice book and a zombie survival guide, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a comedy book no one asked for but everyone needs.”